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The following poems were composed over
the course of a decade or so and portray
the exultation, suffering, humour, sadness
that life with all its vicissitudes offered a
young boy growing up in search of answers
to  numerous questions.

Looking back, I now refer to it as the not this,
not that approach to self discovery. It can be
most entertaining for awhile, but there comes
a time when knowing what you are not is no
longer sufficient. Instead the knowing of what
you are becomes an utmost priority, and the
answer to this can only be found in a word-less
poetry.

                              * * * * *
:: SPRING '94 - PRESENT ::
across icy ponds
a frozen wind winds its way
the ducks hide their heads

* * * * *

birds are flying south
the shadows stretch their fingers
the first fires flicker

* * * * *

deep rich golden rays
silouette the veins of leaves
another year gone


The sea is green
The sky is grey
Surfers bob within the bay...

The hotels charming - in its way
A little room - no room to play
The TV works, so that's okay
Then what you get is what you pay -
Not too much I'm glad to say

The weatherman has just appeared
The funny one without the beard
But he's not laughing...

The sea is green
The sky is grey
The forcast's bad
Stay away!


"X" Rated - contains violent scenes
(Dediated to Harold P.)
Star Wars makes me yawn - "shoot 'em ups" in space
We do it here, we'll do it there too
Some motherfucker aliens, no negotiation, 
no procreation - blow 'em away! 
Our wars bring out the beast in us 
Breed fat pockets
- men's trousers start bulging 
- women reach for them
Everyone's satisfied
It's a movie
Somewhere a princess sleeps peacefully
Needs rescuing 
A sacrifice is required
What sacrifice?


I recall the night when we first met
Your form was white as alabaster
Your hair as black as jet
The losened robe lay open at the groin
An oozing perfume beckoned me to join

Next I knew I woke in thick embrace 
My ruddy lips pressed up against your face
In shame I struggled to be free - and
Wept for day and for my plight...

Yet all the while I cried, your motions held me tight


I throw in you my hopes, my fears, my pain
and like a drain you swill it down
a receptacle of abuse -
patient in use
I stamp on you a sign:
the curse of belonging 
an odour of longing -
that you might reign above
I name you God, I call you love


No sense of purpose...
A feeling of futility...
What if I win the lottery?
I'll go and live in Italy
Maybe there I'll find a place
To iron out this daze
Wander through some ruins
Dream up other ways

I lie and stare up to the sky
Where clouds are on the run
Ponder on the biosphere...
Destruction that's begun
The hole now formed about the earth
Is also in my head
What if I win the lottery
When everyone is dead?


Only when the language of time speaks within us 
shall we recall when we were free
Double blind as I am I look to you to take me there 
and spare not a second thought for the utopia now dismantled - 
an evil land which froze in seven days
Caught in the depths of the Mojave ocean sometimes I see - 
the language of time, like a mountain, beckoning the eye.


Another year is turning with the tide
As we within our winter thoughts abide
Falling back on endings still undone
Or forging plans of action yet unsprung
All change holds hope of ventures new
Though fleeting time is in the grip of you 


:: AUTUMN - WINTER '93 ::
Man or monster we struggle within
Dark corridors a maze in the making
Around we spin dealt over and over 
- it's the game we must play
And man or monster we all go in
Maybe not now but somewhere in time
To slowly begin to follow the thread
- returning to light is the prize


Freed from the womb
We crawl upon earth
Home of a hope
The desolate orb
Wasted through fear
Lost in it's ritual
The lying of sleep
And carried in time
Suspended we stay
On the beat of a pulse
To a catching of breath
Last comes the call
Deep from its lair
The voice we must bear


Now on the threshold
In motion to cross
Fusion of time
Pulled from within
Yet running in doubt
We make the step
The stamp of the soul
In a darkness untold
Through a passage we seek
The image we fear
A prayer for strength
To carry on through
To carry on through
With no turning back


From darkness to light
The circle of time
Unwound
Life from a death
The image we bear
Drawn from the stone
Of the labyrinth mould
And man or monster
We all go through
Maybe not now
But somewhere in time


:: WINTER '92 - SUMMER '93 ::
You said you loved me it was a lie
I refused your desire you said goodbye
Your eyes blazed as if on fire
I'm sorry it's more than I can bear
Probably it's fear you told me this
But I was not of mind but feeling
In this time of pain I ask for healing
Take my hand maybe place a kiss 
So faith can flow back in
This is my greatest wish


Not lover but sister
How long I wish to call you this
Lover lead me to temptation
Sister on my forehead plant a kiss
Lover locked spinning round and round
Sister take my hand
Lead me to a higher ground
Lover I keep on calling after you
But deep inside my heart
I know it is not so - not true
Sister my all embracing sun
You and I are one


Today I sat awhile 
And watched a tree grow
Not a beautiful tree
You would not find it in a book
But it was there
I saw it
And got to know it


Here on the threshold
In motion to cross
A flash from within
Yet shrouded in doubt

Taking the step
The stamp of the soul
A stride in the making
Through an archway of fear

A pause for remembrance...
No thought for return
But a prayer for strength

A prayer for strength 
To carry on through
To carry on through 
With no turning back


I'm not there
I'm here  
I don't imagine I'm there
I'm here
But to be there - for that 
I'm here
For that - I have to be here


I hand you flowers
Fresh like the day
Reaching out - you in your joy
Hold them - we hold them
The gathered bouquet


You were the last string on my guitar
That too broke
And then there was silence... 
No outer music
You were the last string on my guitar
When that snapped 
I put it down 
And looked into the emptiness   
There was silence and loneliness
But in awhile I reached out
Lifted up the lifeless body
And in a kind of offering     
Held it to the wind
And deep down came a soft hollow music  
Which came to greet the wind


Whether by fire or ice
His passions froze
Life melted away
Where? No one knows


:: SUMMER - AUTUMN '92 ::
In the wake of confusion
You rose from the depths of despair
Bore me on your ship of hope
Stroked my golden hair
Held me to you naked breast 
Let me drink of love    
For one who sank beneath the waves
Sweet is the air above


In the eyes of the watching world another accident
Two more lovers meet in the night in their need - 
in their poverty
It's a story begun again and again but rarely finished
We too met in darkness we too were charged with longing
And it was with a heart fresh rising that you appeared
As in a dream to wake beside me

To man in his solitude he gave the first and only woman
Queen and companion to his green and generous kingdom
And as a secret garden unfolds - 
I too shall not step forth alone


The prayer

Yours is the power to give 
Yours the power to remove
Upon your finger turns this world
Help me to remember you and yours
To obey and adore your signs
Let me in gratitude perform your will


Upon this ocean beneath us around us before us
On which we sail
In our own little boats
Through calm through storm
Raw nature in motion
Know you are near a stillness of heart that surges forth
From the depths
Know you are ever welcome 
A guest on my island


To offer you a gift - o you
So generous in the giving
I feel the infant in your outstretched arm
So strong in holding
Times have been when I so weak in being
Cornered - lay motionless
To the dark night's picking
And day - an eternity away
But in the final hour you came - o you
So true in keeping
The word that moves this earth


That night I loved you and heard you groan
I was the dog with the bone
Giving me pleasure to watch
A world momentarily
So out of touch

That night I arched over you this animality 
Bestiality leapt forth in shameless pride
To kill if necessary 
It was necessary
O how I cried inside

Though the dying is slow - it's beautiful
Dear friend forgive me 
When I'm dead 
I'll show you love


It's all about being free you know
Whether with him with her
Or the objects that surround us
We are bound to each and everything
Sometimes more sometimes less
And for that freeing we're forever striving...
Watch a sweet pain transcend all sorrow 
Now sole joy plunges to deep despair
Between these two mighty gates we move
Running to and fro
Pounding on each with imprisoned hope


The cloth you weave about me falls in a regal splendour
Now I am king I call you my queen
Rich is the purple flowing the gold brocade
Rich the stitch your careful hand reveals
If I command love would you give it or do you 
Undress my glory sewing the garments of a slave 
To then direct me with sudden telling glances?
I watch a woman's hands reach from the fingers of a child
Slave or king yours is the art to fashion and clothe 
This my naked form... So now in your power 
Weave a sheet of gossamer which melts upon the body's breath
And as you drape it over my nakedness pull me to you


Poor man who dreams afar
When all is all so near
Of distant worlds somewhere where you are
But god I know that you are here
Then furnish him with a richness
Now uncommon
His senses summon
And steer his dreams beyond the dying day
Number him among the chimes of time...
But now he's far away


Formed from the actions preceding
He manages a moment himself
Finds his minutes receding
The memories lie still on the shelf
Longing is useless - he knew that once 
Before the absence: the forgetting
The delicious hour when nothing makes sense
This he dreams of getting


How many times shall we exclaim?
"spring is here again"
Voiced upon our new felt joy
If not with a shout without
At least with a sigh within
And spring comes upon us
So suddenly
We wake one morning
And all is perfect


Days of longing days of loneliness
These are the days
Have you ever been in love?
It's like this you know
This longing this loneliness
You reach out to something
Go here go there hoping for a glimpse
And the heart the craving for contact
And the promise ripe within


In other lands this open sky
Is what you will
The ever restless wind blows 
Round this world
Find the fire that leaps oceans
The flame that sparks your heart
God's eye traces our every move
Don't hide your nakedness
I send you off with open arms 
Open to embrace the upward
Circle of your swift return


The fire begins to flicker 
And Brahms like an ocean rolls on
Now night has shrouded the day's last light
There's only you and you and you
Few learn the art of prayer
Less know how to pray
But in the absence of the turning mind
It's only you and you and you
Full wonder that you swore the oath of silence
Yet who says more?
Life amidst the ruins
A poppy from the stone


The deep lake peaceful blue
The sandy-stepped slopes with dry carcass stumps
Of roots clinging
Outward-spreading from the lapping waters edge
Up-reaching to the rolling forest hills

In the full days sun we perched
Two birds quivering beneath shady branches

Great moments - yes
We - fusing together - melting ore on fire
Running in liquid streams

Great moments - when
Nothing seems real - here - above time
Born of distant lands

We - man - woman - one body 
Swept along in the hot summer surge
Alone - together - merging - dissolving
Someone is shaking us it hurts but shake some 
More

And then... 
The sharp cut silence - of throbbing sun - 
Flashing sand 
And the cool still lake inviting - about us - 
Within us
Drinking it in like thin air

And as a gentle breeze stirs our thoughts once 
More
We find ourselves speaking without words
Pronouncing the perfection we feel

But tell me
Like children laughing lips to ear
Did we whisper of making love?


These days are the autumn days...
My thoughts like leaves in the street
Flutter and settle
Only to be gathered up once more
And scattered by a gust of wind

These days are the pages of a book
That I once wrote
Letters abandoned on the shelf...
Descriptions of characters
Which since have fled to meet the world

And like the old man in the park - watching
Watching the child he used to be
I watch the days pass... Patiently


AUTUMN '91 - SPRING '92
Before the snows she came
Her clear open face
Like a full winter moon
Pale and still and round

He upon the fallow fields 
Dappled in shade and light
Stretching his awesome length
Spreading through the trees

And now she spies him in the 
Summer's sun
O winter maid is this not death?
With the merest glance
Your brightest beam dissolves

She melts in his presence
But bears no blame
In his infinite reaching
He consumes his very joy

So never meeting
Only glimpsing
Their lives pass by
The depths of space remaining


When you behold this rose 
What do you see?
A bud in labour
The blossom's promise
A withered head
I tell you thrice 
I am that rose


Silver rain
Glistening leaves
A dancing guitar
All charged with the force of love
Once more you awaken that sense in me
Breathed in the face through the eyes of a stranger
I love you I ask myself why?
The body suggests I do not follow
Herein lies a beauty limited
For now I pronounce a glory eternal 
A presence that drives deep through the night
Into the dawn beyond


Deep vermilion washed in gold
The youthful heart with colours bold
Is soon stone cold - beyond the brink
The heart is dearer than you think

World of passion world of pain
And man the pawn within the game
But do not from this madness shrink
The heart is better than you think

The parting bell the brave farewell
And all that's gone and is to come
Annihilation! - now the link
The heart is greater than you think

A furrowed brow that questions 'why?'
A smile surrendered with a sigh
Yet meet this eye you'll see it wink
This heart is stronger than you think

And all almighty God implies
Life in Death - the dream which dies
The sun to come first must sink
His heart is nearer than you think


Toccata on the breeze,
and the charged fragrance of jasmine
overflows the senses.
No longer thinking...
but still the blazing tree sun-inflamed 
assails the eyes.
Till jasmine drunk and burning adrift
I plant my eye in the garden of my god.
Then gazing on You - the trees the lilies,
You - the fields - all beauty aspiring,
I know, it's moments like these that last 
forever...
My fairytale - You!


I know a place... O open your eyes

A place where the butterfly breeze
Frees the busy city mind... Breathe
Breathe in fragrance of jasmine

Where the trees burn a fire-flame hot
And the lily sun-wheel dazzles the eyes
To open the eye of which van Gough and Gaugin dreamed...

Where nature paints her sumptuous art
Applying such delicate strength to prise 
Apart the husk of a work long started

And the seeds of my garden are planted:
Blooms of love from an opening heart


Sometimes the sunset - I always think extraordinary
Spreads like incense through my evening prayers
From the flaming head of the golden god
A gilded glory descends the heavens
Bestowing upon all it touches its gift of sovereign grace

Sometimes the sunset - I always think extraordinary
Appears the hand the sky extends to wave 'farewell'
Merging all colours in a final parting breath
Only to disappear behind a cloak of darkness
In preparation for tomorrows brand-new show

Sometimes the sunset - I always think extraordinary
Is the sea and mountains lover - who upon retiring
Blows a final burning kiss
That both sea and mountain blush deep red
Before slipping beneath the canopy of all-embracing night

The sunset is like this:
When joy pervades our hearts
Not only are we immersed in its chorus of flowing colours
But also within the fragrance of its all-consuming spirit

Yet in our sorrows
We see it bleeding painfully
Composing a desperate dying song 
Knowing that at any moment
It could all fall down
And overwhelm our fragile souls


See the barefoot child skipping through the grass
See how nature - animals birds trees flowers - love him
See how the child loves them
See how he moves in his kingdom
How all and nothing is his delight


In the crack of the grey stone wall 
Outside my door
A little purple flower 
- through the seasons
(through my seasons)
Greeted and sustained this fragile flowering heart
A little purple flower - so delicate
Emerging from the grey stone wall

So you my 'spring-fresh' friend 
Growing night and day
A multi-coloured flower 
Out of the darkness arching 
To pause awhile... 
To joyfully summon a smile
In the face of one whose eye beholds 
(whose heart unfolds) 
To share these lines...


Turn your vision inward 
My straying soul
Summer bird fly back home
Winter's closing in
North south east west
Your cell is this circumference
Only one way remains:
Turn this world 'outside in'

Shall we begin?

What do we know of life?
As much as we know of death
This flux shines before us
Too bright for sleepy eyes
Like particles of dust in the sun's rays
We are drifting...


Open your heart to receive the one you love 
There is no better time than now
Majestically on the still fragrant air he moves about you
He is north in the star in the cold clear night
South with the winds with the waves with the world
West in your dreams east in your waking
The slave to your wanting he flows with the giving

Open your heart to receive the one you love 
Within this happiness dwells your life


The time has come
It's all or nothing all is nothing
So is time
Arise arise

The play of life 
The games of hiding but what is hidden 
Unto the eye

O secret place 
O faint light shining within this soul
Arise arise

See art ambition
Wealth and honour slowly fading... 

Arise arise 
O self adorning the sweet self's glory
Within this breath 
Arise arise


Even now
It seems so impossible
Holding on makes it so

How can you love
No longer separate no longer longing?
Let go... Watch the impossible move about you
To become the possible even now 
As the minutes slip by

It never gets easier
Just more satisfying


Real death is glorious
It's found in the breath of every moment
The waves awaken and re-awaken me
To you I'm bound... We know it deep down
I struggle with my faithlessness
Be patient
Living is ever glorious 
And the winds and the waves remind me 
Of you
My love
My life...


:: AUTUMN '89 - SUMMER '90 ::
Universe of change loose thread of time
Sees earth and her seasons in colourfelt thrall
Surge into day sink into night
Finds tamed to the hours horological rhyme
Man and his manner mirror of all
Emerging merging urging his flight
Through fire-felt passion to melting in death

Then child voice turns male then words withered fall
For the final unfolding with eyes beyond sight
Freed from the blood and chains of the breath
In self-sustained light


He barely pauses to consider
From whence he is coming 
To whither he is going
He just knows his life is in motion
Flashing on by...
Maybe one day life's raw realities
Will cut him down in his flight
Maybe one day he will be forced to succumb
And weigh his lot like the rest of us
Or maybe he will just keep on moving flashing on by... 
To finally leap into 
What the rest of us fear


In love
I see a jealousy
Confront my mortality
Then fear of attachment to a death
I try to live it in a breath -
A moments fusion in reality 
I feel my frailty
In love


Blue sky sun sometimes a breeze
Friends grapes ripe for the picking
Love coming and going freely exchanged
And sorrow rarely lingering

This the picture which you passed through
Joyfully holding this hand awhile

And as we part at the border - think
It's only these fingers separating
The proud heart's season remains


Casting back mind and an evening shared with you
Intentions tensions passions struggled with you
Penetration peeled back a warm disguise
The glance to the eyes revealed all with you
But the smile we trapped between us
Wasn't that a moment mastered?
I feel eternity in you


You love to dance body and soul
Look how the sun flames in your hair
Why shouldn't I stare at 
Those bearing hips
Those quivering lips
How often you've promised them me
How often they've lied to me

Freedom is all is all is all
Look look at that bird trapped in the sky
A voice now cries from
Those quivering lips
And the music rips
A hope in your motion towards me
Don't let them lie to me

The world is whole is round is sound
Look how your breath melts on the air
How many times dare I
Feel the lie
Before I die
But you must dance my body my soul
Alone I must hold you


Twenty six floors above the city
Up with the winds and the flags are flying
Up above the belly rumble
The fear fed machine

Here there blows a concrete silence
Cold to the eyes on the staggered skyline
Pillars of mirrors leaning 
Into the grey morning light 

Up above the mind of man
Lost in the maze of his repentance
The towering offerings to his gods

And through the grey and concrete silence
The sun breaks through


And shall I return in glory?
When life departs to its work-away days
And magnificent man stoops to his ways
When mortal is thrust through the catapult dream
And earth replays what already has been
If I embrace what's before me
Shall I return in glory?

And shall I return in glory?
When guile and goodness fight to contend
And magnificent man feigns to pretend
When gravity swears that he is alive
And knowledge affirms his quest to survive
If I learn to love the story
Shall I return in glory?

And shall I return in glory?
When fate oblivious pardons the day
And time mechanical fingers the way
When covetous fear clings to the night
And paramount pride dares to be right
If I can swallow my fury 
Shall I return in glory?


Smile again my lovely princess
Lift this sighing sinking heart
Cast on me the gentle grace
That I might like a prince depart
Smile once more o lovely maiden
Let your beauty greet my eyes
Who can tell the captive moment 
What we feel through love's disguise?

I have I fear your heart offended
Heart whose love did set me free
How shall I regain the favour
That was once bestowed on me?
So if I now beseech your mercy
Like a beggar at the door
Smile again o lovely princess
Kiss the joy we knew before

Not the sun his blazing glory
Herald of the stirring day
Not the moon that dreamy chantress
To whose pallid face we pray
Nothing in the wide world's wonders
Can I find to comfort me
Nothing... Save the precious moments
That your presence gives to me


Freed from the circle perpetual 
Loosed from the up and down hold
Flung from the civilised ritual
Out of this slavery sold
Into love's fire all-consuming
That 'hell' the world can't embrace
For heaven to one who's aspiring
Is death with a glimpse of his face


Full frenzied hues
All-spiralling spring
From ice cold crystal
The peeled buds ring
Of feigning hearts 
In sanguine fling
With dew blushed tears
The virgin sting


Alone... fear lost alone...
Are you ready for the journey home?
Cradled in doubt could you have grown
A million stars above the earth
Celestial witness to your birth

Blind... still blind...
Image complete in the telescope mind 
The fruits juice tip- tongued love's limbs entwined
What severed the orbs of your turning days?
Who gave you sight to amend these ways?

Rest... death caressed...
Womb in the grave grave age undressed
All consummate fire hailed son of the blessed
Where lies your fear? What stirs you plight?
On the bring of this - your day why summon the night?


Upon this hill my silence confronts me
And blown with the clouds
Lost dreams tumble blindly
When beauty stirs the senses cry empty
Upon this hill I rise to embrace thee

Then on this hill I spin in your glory
And swept with the grass
My joy revels carefree
Pent senses unleashed the sky flies between me
Upon this hill I fall to release thee


What exists which is not now?
We look for an end sprung from a beginning
We wait for a dream to unfold
And our thoughts fade into tomorrow
And our lives become questionable
Listen tomorrow is not for us
Results are not for us - nor is time
What we have is now
Like the air all around us 
Offering life - eternal life


My morning madness remembers in the face
- yesterday - and how it fled me by
All the times I never questioned 'why?'
Today - I snatched a glimpse of human fate

I drift with the music of the singing tree
And catch my shadow sleeping on the wall
Know what is now once passed this way before
Wonder if this shadow shall shake free

Sun strike the fissure of my heart
Ignite the flames of my desire
Sun melt the shackles of my art
Consume my longing in your fire

How long shall half light taunt me with these lies?
I cannot help but crave embrace
Am I to live to share in man's disgrace?

I wake... Now feel the morning sun caress my face


Now and when the world spells round
I write it down
Then leap and laugh 
And chide the clown
With wings of blue
Who swears it's true

Now and when I think of you 
Among the few
I leap and laugh
They want you too
Among the rest 
An angel jest

For now and when with time possessed
My life is blessed
I'll leap and laugh
And journey west
Then we can run
And race the sun


The wind roared...
Sleep implored...
The mind turned...
The body burned...
But the white-eyed thresher cried her song
Cut the night - charmed the throng
Of thoughts and cares 
Which questioned
Questioned
Questioned...


Sometimes the cup overflows
Wine spills out
Sometimes the body trembles
To be released
Forgive me if
When you cross my shadow 
I happen to burn you
The source of this violence is love


Cry freedom...
Watch the bird glide by on new found wings
Now she alights on your outstretched hand
Cage her - but don't expect her to sing
She sung once
Her songs were for liberty
Now she has flown free
Silence is all she understands


Remembrance remains and the staring radiance
Of a crystal dream drops
Between the hazy pinions of our sleep
Ebb and flow beneath the glow of an ever
Revolving world will never tarnish
The beauty which within you stirs 
Awake my love voice your song and fly...


How fast it all passed
Scattered places - scattered faces
Am I alive or am I dreaming

But what do I care
Yesterday I was drunk
As for today
Ask me tomorrow


Today I dream of you
We are face to face once more
But you are different
What is the force behind the shade?

I call for you to come to me
Feeling the fire
You shine in the movement
All passion is melting

Again I reach in to touch the past
But the past is going and so are you

And now -
Like the blossoms dropping into your lap
What was once beautiful without is living within
The face you loved is becoming your own


(for whom flowers mean so much)

The rose the 'fairest' poets say
Blooms for love then fades away
To leave a perfume in the mind
So what was seen becomes a dream
Our love shall find

The lily captured with the eye
Can in a moment kiss goodbye
To endless longings caught inside
Hers is the gift to cast adrift
Those eyes that lied

How can I praise the daffodil
With words-worth more
Than that sweet 'will?'
Nature's hand sent from above
And now at rest upon the breast
Of one he loves

The lotus blooms within my heart
As mortal eye has shared no part
Of mystic India sung to me
Thus like its leaf I'll float beneath
Her flowering majesty

And yet dear friend
Of all the flowers that I adore
In truth I see but one
The fairest blossom of them all
But this is where my poem ends


P.S. The purple violet said to me
"behold I hold the mystery
Reveal that colour deep and true
Which death shall try in vain
To pluck away from you"


:: PRE AUTUMN '89 ::
Celebrate celebrate
(whoever said you have to wait?)
On every day throughout the year
Dogs will bark and cats will purr
Raise you glass have a ball
Forget the time heed not the call
And when you fail the count of ten
Sleep it off and start again


What's life for her is death for me
Freedom lies in its quest to be free
She speaks of love I turn from hate
In heaven she dwells I by hells gate
She sees the all her day is my night
So I stand and wait she means to fight
She says I'm mad (it hurts to agree)
Now truly I lie in my quest to be free


If you knew what these moments hold
How dear they are to me
You too would cherish them dear friend
For me they carry life
For you a glimpse of love
Yet what makes this so possible?
Isn't it that we part alone
To our own little existences
Probably never to meet again
(though even this we cannot say for sure)
But as with me something within you has emerged
Maybe the siren song of a long lost longing
And though forgotten over and over
These words will often remind you


If you know not now soon you will 
Your generous heart like wine can spill
If poured too freely in the glass
Let these crazy moments pass
Retreat awhile they will not last
Sometimes doing good is staying still
And through the heart good thoughts instil
In those you love and would wish free
But to force a change that cannot be
Do you want to be thought mad like me


Embrace the golden hour
Cherish the child who kissed the flower
And drink his light of day 
'Twas he who laughed dull night away
'Twas he who filled your breath today

Ask dare you receive ?
A plain request will it deceive?
You the child has grown
Grieve for the heart that burns unknown
Pity the king without a throne
Love you shall cry free
Asleep you stare awake you see
Arise death's life is nigh
A shimmering soul within the eye
A dancing star upon the sky


Lovely lady lead me
That I might lord-like feast upon your gift
Your lips shall whet my taste
And I shall lie and sip upon your breast
My entree my entry which if well done
I'll fall to my desert
The sweet and hair-breath silence
Of a dream released


Watch to become wiser
Seek to become open
Open up to experience love
The unhindered stream of giving and taking
So silent it cannot be heard
So invisible it cannot be seen
Yet felt in the fullness of being


Rushing on through all things
No time for the one you love
You walk upon the mountains of peace
Supremely happy in sequential moments
Streams await you fresh and soothing
And like the landscape the mind is desolate
Clouds moulded by the failing sun
Craved attention and willingly
You lose yourself amidst the gold washed billows
Till the final flicker falls away 
Then back to earth
And forging the moment's significance
The feast so quickly passes
Flowing away like cups of wine


Now when I think of you and me and we
Our brave pursuits our struggles to be free
The gazing hours we spend that magic state
Those brushing seconds we swear no more can wait 
Now when I look on that which went before
The empty rooms the searching for a door
Love's golden thread all tangled at my feet
The howling beast within which could not sleep
All that I know is what we both know well
For in its clasp springs heaven or enduring hell
It is to love each other yet know we love alone
So far we travel just to journey home
Sweet love if I fail to live by this 
Be not afraid remind me with a kiss


A red rose lay on the table
All around people laughed and cried 
I had to smile all the while
But my heart felt sad as it felt the pinch of the thorn
Of the neglected rose on the table
All around women moved men's eyes
I tried not to glance
But in their trance lay a sadness
My mind kept returning to the wilting red rose on the table
Is it time to leave?
I think so
I gave my best to summon a little life
But I believe all that shall remain is an image
Of a dead rose upon the table


If you wish to remember me 
Let it be for this
Not for my songs which adorn me
Like the fashion of my dress
Nor for those fairy tale dreams
We never shall possess
But for my unswerving cheerfulness
That no words can express


50000 feet up
In a plane
300 of us sipping champagne
And everyone somewhere else
The lady beside me was eating furiously
I was in the midst of a huge thought
Then the steward took my tray
The lady beside me was wiping her hands furiously
The steward had taken my towelette
My large thought fled
How quickly we forget


To love to be at peace 
A love contained within oneself
O objects of delight 
I do not wish you gone
As easy might I command the sun to vanish
But this alone I do beseech 
That I be master and not be mastered
That love may then be love


Listen until the blossom of life emerges
Perennial bloom and never too soon
Until I can say I am and you shall be
Until that time I will covet these songs 
A precious treasure hidden from the world
In this burning emerging


How good to touch lightly
Sense of hand gliding softly over sun taught skin
With the eyes piercing with sole point vision
The flicker of the deepest mystery - the mystery within
Both swell up from that single transcending source -
man calls love
And you spirit of the soul now emerging
When you arise on your selfless journey
Pause by me and touch me softly
Direct me too onward upward beyond a dream's dominion
Yes it is time to throw awide arms so long in waiting
To receive so fully that gift so long in wanting
I am ready now I know it's here


The poem I wrote you 
I see its lines scatter with the wind
The handed rose of love
Why are these petals floating on the water
And now your eyes look sad
To stop here and weep is too easy
You must continue


For all the words that live in me
Within my heart I count but three
I love you
And do not ask the reason why 
In reason's grasp our love will die
No longer new
Just when our souls meet face to face
When bodies join in sweet embrace 
Say I love too


Sitting beneath autumn
And a brilliant sun in a bold blue sky
A leaf scattered mind shuffles through a vacant past
Days with hours and hours of living minutes
Rich with the sapling flow of pursuits
And promises of the blood
With your parting lips I lose control
And die recluse to empty roads
And wayside worries take me in
To feed my famine prey on my hunger
How can your presence master me so?


You take my hand
We disappear into a far off land 
But when morning comes and the 
Cock does crow
You must let go

You caught my eye
All I believed in vanished with a sigh
It feels alright but the passion
I cannot overthrow
You must let go

Please be kind whisper gentle words 
And help me free my mind 
Such love will show a life we 
Already know
So please let go

I'm burning 
You gave me things I couldn't refuse
I'm turning to you 
To help me tread the road I didn't choose 
You called to me
You promised that you would set me free
Don't say no
Please let go


Now blind infatuation has gone
And the veil of illusion dropped away
What you see is what there is
What you see is what there was
Now the mountain that stood before you
Becomes the plain of desolation
The bird that circled high above 
Now feeds from the hand of grace


Cherished moments when the evening soul
Surrenders to the reddening sky
There's the gradual closing of the outward eyes
Then with a swift tug on the sparkling blanket
The entering into the inward world


Today where are you?
In the swaying tree before your eyes?
In the enveloping warmth of the life turning sun? 
In the secret murmurs of the wind?
My house is waiting for my love
But will he enter now I'm gone?
All nature moves about his outstretched hand
Sun stars moon revolving 
And I with nature now am merging


Do not doubt do not fear
Let all sorrow disappear
Feel a smile form from a tear
Know my love is ever near


When I cried for a river rushing
You gave me aridity heat and sun
And when I begged sun
A mere ray could have given release
You gave me flood without warning
Easy I don't ask
Simplicity I do
All I ask is this


Entering the room 
A fresh red rose lay tenderly
Among broken glass and water
A sudden unannounced gust of wind
Had swept it from an empty desk
From that moment I knew
My love making would never be the same


Could it be that time
Once more shall bring us together?
Just you and me
But now we must work to live 
To love be free
And whether it's today or tomorrow
We shall see
 

To leave mankind a gift is it within my power?
If so when shall come the hour?
I seem to drift so helplessly from one scene to another
I seem to lie and wait as one who's fate
Is in the grasp of him whose work is done here
And left the rest to worry out their last remaining days
Nurturing hope in all their inventive ways
And all is such an utter waste of time
For when all is said and done I wonder
What is really mine? I do not know
But dejected I shall not go and leave the ones I love
Shamelessly shouting to him above whose first and last
Decree is death and expiration of the breath
A blazing flame or vaulted door and nothing more
But we so rich in lire latent and calling
With every heartfelt beat we so pressed to life
Its birthright rightly ours we so ready to receive
The promise so often ringing within us
Oh living light of god emerge from out this ever sleepy mask
Lead me to the task so duly mine and to which I bow
Yes I must be silent now


Such happiness when you lie pressed against my side
I cherish each night we spend together this way
For with the coming of evening I slide out of day
As with an old worn skin to gracefully slip into the
Fashion of night
Then trailing with sweet fragrances of oil and perfume
I climb the stairs to your topmost room treading softly
As not to wake the sleepers


Returning to the place you've left
In the divorce of familiarity you wonder
Wonder if you ever were 
Close that is
For once a dog barked
But now it only seems to bark
Until you tell yourself
You were there when he died
And you were the son of many mornings
But now a late riser
They too seem a segment of your dreams
In this place you've left 
There are ends to tie 
That's why your here
Here for as long as it takes


Converging of streams
Rain streaked pane
Merging in one 
One river one flood

The house I have lived in 
Is flooding
The doors the windows 
I have barred shut for so long
Give way 
The house of my birth is going
Carried away on the tide

Where is my boat
My brush my pen
Where is the hand hold of
My art
The anchor that chains the
Man adrift


After all what is loneliness
A theme recurring
Two recurring themes loneliness
And freedom
And loneliness comforted freedom gained 
All my life I have sought solitude
In crowds in distractions in love
In friends
And each time I have cried for help
The boy I am
But freedom's taste stays sweet upon 
The tongue
And the trial goes on
Under penalty of death


Underground
Sometimes I see me in time a tunnel
Direction determined straight on
My morning meandering
In mind from house to work
From station to station in linear
Time-point to point in line


Womb moulded grip of life 
After the conception immaculate
From the invisible arriving
From behind the curtain unannounced
Crawling forth crying and wet
Fresh from the harrowing journey


Now the mirror smashed again 
You hold on in the grip of death
The painted face you loved so much
Is time worn through and through
A timid laugh reveals the pain
That swells up from within


In Rome 
In Rome alone 
A rolling stone no more
But solid rock and marble floor
A lion tamed with gentle roar
Stripped of love and war
Groaning Rome
O Rome


Of my love I shall sing
And the gift he will bring
Of the world I'll forsake
For the one he'll awake

Of you I shall sing as the day slips by
Begging you not to deny
My mortal expression
And if my word once receiving 
This open confession 
Dies before unfolding eyes
Then show me a place which lies unwritten 
Beyond the mind through the thought
True to the word
Carved in the heart
And id I endure let me awake
Into your dream

Then of you I can sing
Of the joy that you bring
And the world we create
My soul will relate


Sometimes the cup overflows 
And wine spills out
And sometimes the body trembles
To be released
Forgive me if when you cross my shadow
I happen to burn you
The source of this violence is love

Cry freedom and watch the bird
Glide by on new found wings
Now she alights on your outstretched hand
But put her in a cage don't expect her to sing
She sung once her songs were for liberty
Now she has flown free - all she understands is: 
Silence

Sometimes my love puts a chain on you
And everything that is promised
Shrivels and fades away

Let the bird go
Release the chains
Trust though fled from view
It's the freedom that's important
Not yours hers


Christ the child of god
I the child to be
As god kissed him
So he kissed me
(I and he are we)

If you love god 
As god loves you
He shall kiss you too


Each day count your gifts
Those little intimacies 
Your share with your lord
Then when evening comes
Bring out wine 
Summon the musician
Invite your friend
And drinking and dancing
In friendship abiding
Share your gifts


Without your props without your audience
Robe and silk what are you? 
Morning primal light without the evening episode
What are you?
I too like the clouds drift mercy to the winds
I like a tree rooted deep to earth
Leaves sun-ward spread
I too one of the many forging a significance
And forever turning the other cheek
Can the hurt of ambition turn once more
And settle its eye in the stretching plain
And grow with gardens and present friends?
Or will it march on slaying infant dreams
Before a final judgement
But I hear the evening bell 
I must start home


He came to a cross-roads
Two signs confronted he 
One read this way
The other that way
O seeker
Why do you continue to search?
Observe the sign of the heart 
It points everywhere


You who morning greets with radiant eye
Shall find release from restless night's numb void
And dreams false hopes won't render you devoid 
From all day's breath shall offer with a sigh
For though a moments life is sure to die 
Die relentless repetition unevolved
Life's moment returns too soon to one resolved 
Reviving truths frail light from night's black lie
So greet the morning with your radiant soul
And scatter darkness even as you turn
The sun of heaven joys in making whole 
Night's partial knowledge only day can learn
Suffer no more the dual of pole with pole
But in yourself alone let heaven's fire burn


Below the hands above the chime
Time admonishes me with fervent haste
And hung in solemn service 
These golden notes ring forth
'Son observe the time
And fly from evil'


What can I give that you do not possess
A string of pearls a scarf of silk
Some flowers a dress?
I know champagne is sure to change your state
But all these the outer world alone ornate
To know that place within shall be my gift to you
To feel that place inside which does not drift
Though few have found its sanctuary
You ask then what is the mystery?
Say to your self
To be alone with you that is enough
Here is a world which shines eternally 
Beyond the moon's eclipse
For all the lines I've read to tell this simple truth
I've found but one that speaks
The smile between the lips


O my lord it is true
My self dissolves when lost in you 
You live my ideal
You make my life practical
Everything now has significance
And walking through your garden
Led by a divine fragrance
It is enough to breathe the sweet air
And climbing the steps to your throne
As one returning home
I shall not be missed when I'm gone


To whom are you crying for help?
Where are the ears that will hear?
What god will put down his hand
And lift you up?
Who is going to die for you?
Good questions for a child
With an ancient body
Then play the answers 
On the bodies questions
Like the thirsty traveller
Gather your hands to drink
Of the fresh flowing water
Of the fountain
Like the love struck maiden 
Gather flowers fit for your beloved
Like the swelling clouds
Gather tears to quench the dry earth
Like the vigilant mother
Gather your children to your breast 
And like the man that you are
Gather your self then lose yourself
It doesn't matter where you are 
If you are everywhere
Sometimes in moments
I rise to touch magnificence


It's the half existences which are troubling
The twilight hour when the pale morning light
Fills the window frame 
Here neither dreaming nor waking 
The frantic mind plays her games 
Of hide and seek
Or the new emerging face of your lover
You mow see naked before you 
Yet was lost awhile
How often have you vowed to arise 
And flee the mind's jungle
Only to in its clasp falter
And stay too long
So once more you are transported 
Through her fickle half truths
Her nonsensical half lies
Only when day holds the promise 
Of a journey a flight to other places
Do you leap up bursting through those misty realms
For here lies the hoped for promise of change
Which gnaws at your heart in your desperate searching
Your mad possessing
But even now you go laden 
With the baggage of expectation 
Dreams to satisfy and a camera for memories
Only when you step out of your house 
Does your journey begin
What was once imagined 
Now becomes a reality
Try to see this


Morning evening or midnight star
All time is sacred to her
As she slips by on pointed toes
And every hour I await her lips
To kiss caress I beg her love
For in her love I more than rise 
I leave this world behind
In bursting through the veil falls away
And in her eyes I see I am 
Behold this man


Yes I am selfish
I shall call him my god
Keep away all of you 
Who dare to hold me back
Jaw waggers analysts teachers
Reason draped in black
Logicians the doctors of the mind
I shall leave you far behind
Paired lovers who get lost
Those who boast from fear 
I shall not at any cost 
Let you near my god

You see although I call him mine
I too am separated by time
Till I become what I truly am
Am I no more than half a man?
So till I am pray keep away
This battle is mine and could go either way
Until I am in strength appearing in your midst
In love's name hold on
To what you know is best


:: FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ::
Have I told you how much I love you?
It's true
No poem no words no love song
Can express how much I do

Meu amor my love and so much more
I'm with you -
In thought in word in action
Let our daily lives re-new


Father - from you I learn the will to succeed
Dear mother - a heart freely given and generous
He like a sword - cold steel - sharp - quick to the tip
She always embracing - the full forgiving victim
Be careful father in your striving 
Don't neglect the falling flower as you brush its petals by
And you dear mother - amidst the giving
Save a little of this world for yourself


Ah Abby now your love is young
A world before you lies
Your presence brings a present joy
What wonder fills your eyes
Your loveliness retells a dream 
Within the sleepy years
A dream we lose when we grow old
As hopes dissolve to fears
Then come and kiss me Abby dear
A kiss my joy's release
So I once more might feel that love
Which sets old hearts at peace


Abigail (who is three)
Is the girl who's loved by me
But I believe when she's four
I will love her even more


I took your lovely flower
And hung it by my bed
So when I lie awake at night
I see you in my head
A special Abby flower
Yellow red and green
Quite the prettiest flower
I have ever seen


God speed you you demon boy
Vanquish your drowsy dream
Spell a life
Fear reason freedom's strife

Time demands a firm hand 
Held on mother terror earth
Fettered man
Feeding dearth know you can

Rise to higher realms higher 
Than all your wildest mind conceives
In you
And more real and ever new

Now tells you it is time
Your captive passion shouts 
Out and she 
Let loose shall set you free


Brian I often wondered what stories you were told 
That you should be so bold
To dare to couch within the carefree corner of a world 
so far apart
But now I see
You grasp the key
Which could if used unlock the prison of your inmost heart

For what mysterious charm alights upon this place
And mirrors in your face
An aspect clear and free for love and life's spontaneous embrace?
Is it the sin 
Which guides the pin
To blithely prick the stone blown hearts we love to chase?

Whatever the sin whatever the charm a man now laughs now cries
Then in a moment dies
But joy in life prevails when hearts are full and love meets in 
The eyes
Then set me free 
Release the key
So I can learn to die
Ah sweet freedom from the lies


This new year's night brought rain
Symbolically washing away
The final tributes of a decade
Fast fading
I will remember
The midnight hour we shared alone
Far from the frenzied hope wrung from the fears
Of fast fled dreams
For time fell still
Unleashing the harmonies of night
Portending the gentle sleep
These waking eyes foresee
How frail is friendships face
Each movement monitored with loving 
Criticism 
But you and I 
Who for a moment mastered time
In our new and free found loves made one


Dearest dad I have to say
You know that card that came my way
Showing teddy looking gay
And wishing me a great birthday
Well rising from my disarray
Looking old and feeling grey
I pondered hard to find a lay
For such bad taste you ought to pay
But wishing to avoid affray
All evil thoughts I shall allay
And being Christmas instead I'll pray
And wish you luck on your new play
But if you think it's over nay
April's noted come what may


For a Little Girl
(upon loosing her two front teeth)
Hello Sarah oh good grief
What has happened to your teeth?
They were there just last week
Now you whistle when you speak
And like a little bird in spring
You hop around and try to sing
But don't you worry there'll be more
Bigger better than before
Whiter stronger made for wear
A grown-up gleaming brand-new pair
Then you can chew and chomp and bite
Throughout the day into the night
So come on Sarah give a smile
And make us old folks laugh awhile


Cafe com Art
(My favourite bar in Sao Paulo)

To my friends at the 'coffee with art'
What further happiness can I impart
Which is not here in this rare and charming bar
On Oscar Friere?
Where living like Zezito's smile comes so easily
Where love like the rose grows naturally
Here where Beatrice and Pedro provide forever
A night for friends and lovers to be together
And all the while the sole musician plays
The heartfelt yearnings of our passing days
Oh friends enjoy the moments 
Time spent here will give 
It is all life is


 
A fondest wish on this day
Oh brush those silly cares away
Do not spoil this time of mirth
With little worries of no worth
Worries like how long to live
And what our precious time will give
O yes we know it's running out
I hope that you don't die of gout
But there are drugs to cure these ills
And lots of help in writing wills
But now's no time to dwell on sorrow
Put it off until tomorrow 
For birthdays should be fun and 'nice'
When you should all your friends entice 
In giving generously to your cause
Contained within the capitalist cause
'More is better most is best'
The holy sacrament of the west
Dear nice brother I think of you
I hope you're thinking of me too
And may the sun come out to play
On this your very special day
Here it shines so much I pray
That sometimes it would go away
But I don't want to ruin your fun
By listing my problems one by one
Like why I haven't any friends
Although I write to make amends
Or why my relatives cut me off
Fidget fart or start to cough
When all I want is to wish them well
And hope that they don't go to hell
But listen brother what I say is true
I want this day to be nice to you
So let me say one final word
And this may sound a bit absurd
It's something I learnt dear brother Phil
If you've got no reason not to you will


OTHER POEMS AND VERSES
(written in protest over the selfish ice cream 
devourer who ate the strawberry and chocolate 
flavours but ignored the vanilla)

We who have learnt that pleasure is fleeting
And so can delight in the fine art of eating
When Neapolitan our fancy savours
Luring us on with its three different flavours
Let us try in our infinite bliss
To guard that our senses don't go amiss
And lunge for the flavour of our delight
Upsetting the balance long proved to be right
For as we all know life's made up of threes
That's what we're told when were down on our knees
So when we indulge in our favourite sin 
Of chocolate - strawberry - vanilla... Amen
Think of the harmony you can create
By fairly dividing upon your plate
Each of the flavours the unified three
Transcending all thoughts of the unified me
So treat your friends as they shall you
And opt for all three instead of just two 


Once in the country there was a farm
Tucked away 'midst woods and vales
A rural haven of peace and calm 
Sheltered from storms and wintry gales

The farmhouse was simple with lawn and shed
Geese and chickens were running free
A great big trough where the pigs were fed
And a little pond beneath a tree

Now on this pond there lived a duck
Known by name as 'young Miss Flutter'
A very sprightly chick indeed
"It's that time of year" the geese would mutter

For indeed 'twas spring the time of growth
Of buds of flowers of colourful things
When birds and bees swear solemn oaths
Gliding high on quivering wings

Thus young Miss Flutter was very gay
Flapping round her little pond
Quacking love songs all the day
Of country mallards she was 'specially fond

"good grief" honked the geese driven to despair
The chickens clucked as all chickens do
Stating quite plainly they thought it unfair 
To suffer her singing all the day through

And this carried on 'til late one morn
The sun was full and the farm was busy
When up above the farmhouse lawn 
Appeared a drake looking dazed and dizzy

Then down he plunged webs over bill -
The chickens made a desperate dash
And just as every heart stood still
He hit the pond with a mighty splash

"oh dear oh dear" sighed young Miss Flutter
Fluffing her feathers up all in a fright
And when at last she was able to utter
Coyly quacked out "are you alright?"

"no problem I'm fine" quick came the reply
"landing trouble - er I didn't sink deep
If you're flying for hours up in the sky
There's always the risk your feet go to sleep"

"of course" said Miss Flutter "I quite understand"
Though now her thoughts had drifted elsewhere
So promptly taking the matter in hand
She turned her head pond-ward avoiding his stare

"but allow me to introduce myself 
Sir Francis is my name from birth
Explorer traveller seeker of wealth
There's nothing I haven't seen on earth"

"how thrilling you must have some tales to tell
Maybe you wish to rest for a day
You did seem tired before you fell -
Oh I'm young Miss Flutter by the way"

Epilogue

Well it happened Sir Francis stayed for a week
Then for another - "pure bliss" hissed the geese
As young Miss Flutter had no cause to seek
Her singing had stopped and now there was peace 


Either young or old or neither
Have many ages in a span of life
Come to glory before mind can conceive
Yet survive through memory and word of mouth
Worshipped by fire and the outcast wind
We are honoured in song and the magical
Insight of the ten digit ritual
Beyond all fashion together we are timeless
Shall be loved or hated till our final hour

What are we?